PTSD

Dear Family,

I have found a love for New York and the people in it. Its got its own kind of beauty and it has become my home. I'm so glad that Kyle is doing so well! I'm so proud of that little guy! I remember being in the MTC and being FREAKED out to teach people, and I was speaking English! I can't imagine trying to do it in some other language. It sounds like he's already having experiences that are teaching him about how the spirit works and how you can rely on it during lessons. I'm glad that Grandma is doing well and remaining busy, I still pray for her and think about the family all the time. Dad, I find myself thinking about Grandpa at random moments too that brings me to tears still. I thought I would get use to the idea that he's gone by now but yesterday, during my Personal study, and I was crying at my desk, looking at his funeral program, I looked up on the wall to the picture of the Savior and it brought so much peace to my heart. I know Grandpa's happy, I just mourn for myself.

So this week has been CRAZY! First week back from pageant and into real life missionary work again. Its kinda fun to teach my new companion and about missionary work. The first day we went out we were on bicycles (my first time on bikes my whole mission!). I felt like a real Sister Missionary with my huge backpack on my back and my skirt blowing in whatever way the wind would take it. Its a good thing that garments look like biker shorts :). We went around all day on our bikes, unfortuantly it was the hottest day of the year. Actually, it was the hottest day in Rochester since 1993... 100 degrees, and that doesn't include humidity. My poor companion. As we were biking along I suddenly hear someone call out my name just to turn around and she is collapsing on the grass on the side of the road! I biked over to her, and she was still awake and talking but she was about ready to puke and dizzy and getting delirious (she locked her helmet to a pole instead of her bike :)). She was suffering from heat exhaustion. She was such a trooper and never even complained but it was just too dang hot. So.... that was the first day I tried to kill my "baby". Second day, we went to go contact a referral but couldn't find the house anywhere. We finally pulled up to what we thought was a home but it had all of these signs that said "Beware of Dog!" and "If dogs are out DO NOT get out of vehicle". When we pulled around to the side of the home and realized it was not the place that we were looking for I told her to get out and back the car..... I HAD FORGOT WHAT THE SIGNS SAID! So sweet Sister Chatterton gets out of the car to go back me up and I see this movement from the corner of my eye of this HUGE BEASTLY looking dog, running full speed ahead for Sister Chatterton. He looked more like a bear with his teeth bared and his horrible sounding bark. Before I even had time to react Sister Chatterton was right at the door trying to get in. She barely escaped the dog as she leaped into the car, slamming her ankle on the way in. Ah! We were both shaking once we were safely inside. Now we laugh about the whole experience, but now my poor little companion has no confidence in riding a bike anymore and has PTSD everytime we come across a dog (which happens a lot in New York :)).... I'm a good Mommy.

We're starting to see miracles in Webster. Not only do we make it past dogs but we've been able to find a few new investigators. We're still in the same ward as I was in before so we get to work with the same members and I get to still see some of the recent converts that I taught which makes me happy. The Lord is blessing us with so much and I am so grateful.

Well family, I love you all. I pray and think of you always. I love being a missionary... I can't even remember what life was like not as one :). Have a wonderful week!!

Love always, Sister Carter

"Whew! Pageant is over!"

Dearest Family,

I'm going to make this email a little bit shorter so that I can write Kyle a "Dear Elder". I remember, in the MTC, that was my FAVORITE part of the day! I LOVED getting messages from home, and thanks to all of you I got them plenty. My District use to joke around and guess how many "Dear Elders" I would get that day. That was the best! What a neat setting apart he had! I wish I would have been there for it. It sounds like he was blessed with so many things! I'm so excited that he received so many blessings concerning the language. I think that part made him pretty nervous, but if anyone can do it Kyle can.... or I guess Elder Carter can :). How cool! Now there is a Sister and Elder Carter out in the world. I think Grandpa would like that :). I'm sad that I'm not going to be able to see Kyle for the next couple years but I feel closer to him now more than ever. We are both servants of God in a very unique way, and it makes my heart soar to know that I have a family member that is out wearing the same name badge that I am. Just in different locations :). He's going to do awesome.

WHEW! PAGEANT IS OVER! It is a very very bittersweet experience. Last night we were able to come back to our apartment again for the first time in two week, and I got to sleep on a bed! What a blessing! Its exciting to be home but it is also a little scary because now its time to go back to work and teach my little "baby" what missionary work is all about. She's a little nervous to get started but she's so great about just plunging in with all her might. She is ready to learn and willing to try new things. I already love her! She's got so much "Greenie fire" that we're going to set Webster a-blaze. Its just going to require blood, sweat, and tears. Its going to require our bones to be tired, Dad :). I'll just tell you that I can freely say that my bones are tired after this pageant. It was a constant "GO" all the time! I talked to SO many people. We worked at the Smith Farm for the last week and we had over 20,000 visitors come from all over the world. I was able to experience SO many miracles, though. It truly was incredible to watch the Lord's hand over all of it. Someone said that the pageant was acted by man but put on by God and I know that that is totally true. I was able to see the pageant 7 times! By the end we could quote most of it, but it still put me in awe every single time. The best part of the whole play was when the Savior decends into the Americas after all of the people had been through the destruction. Just the feeling that even comes over all of the people that were watching was neat to experience. I loved being able to see the Book of Mormon stories come to life, and to maybe get a better visual of what it might have been like back then. I had many times this week to testify of truth, to stand up for what I believe in, to invite others to come to know Christ better. There really was nothing like pageant. In a slow moment, as I was sitting in the upstairs of the Smith log home where Moroni appeared to Joseph Smith, I just couldn't believe where I've been blessed to be called. That I get to stand where Joseph did and testify of him. That I get to be in the Grove where the Father and the Son appeared to Joseph, and I get to tell others that I know they live. I also get to be where the Book of Mormon came forth again, the book that has completely changed my life. What a mission! I love it here!

I'm glad that everyone at home is doing well. Tell Grandma I love her and am praying for her. I'll leave you with one of my new favorite quotes by Elder Boyd K. Packer:
"I will not consent to an influence from the adversary. I have come to know what power he has. I know all about that. But I have also come to know the power of truth and righteousness and of good. I am not ashamed to say that I want to be good. And I've found in my life that it has been critically important that this was established between me and the Lord so that I new that He knew which way I had committed my agency. I went before him and in essence said 'I am not neutral, and you can do with me what you want. If you need my vote, it is there. I don't care what you do with me, and you don't have to take anything from me because I give it to you- everything I own, all I am. And that makes al the difference."

I love you all! Have a great week!

Love always, Sister Carter
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Miracles of Pageant Week

Dear Family,

This email isn't going to be very long. We don't have much time but we tried to squeeze emailing in this week so that my new companion can assure her family that she is doing well. I remember how important it was for me, to get all of your advice and be able to tell you how my weeks had been. It still is important. I'm sitting here crying like a little baby right now. Those pictures of Grandpa's funeral were really touching. To be honest, I had a moment to cry last Sunday after I got of the phone with you, but I've been too busy to really sit down and think about it since. I was really touched by the picture of Kreigh, Kyle, and the other grandsons carrying Grandpa's casket, and the last picture of the whole Carter clan together. All Aunts and Uncles and Grandma, and I just realized in that one moment how family is everything. I don't know what I would do without any of you. This is the first real loss I've ever really had to deal with and it hurts. Its like a really dull ache that doesn't seem to go away but I know in Whom we have entrusted our precious Grandpa with. He loves Grandpa even more than we do, and He has provided the way for us to be with Grandpa again. What a kind, loving, merciful God! Sometimes I weep just thinking about how infinite and constant His love truly is. I will ever be grateful that He loved us enough to send His Son, who came to provide the way for us to get home again. It is amazing that in these moments of sorrow you can see and feel the light of the Son. There is a peace to be found in the Son of God and I am so blessed to get to wear His name, and the name of our family, right over my heart.

Well, pageant is everything I've imagined it to be.... INSANE! There is not one moment of rest, there are always a million people to talk, teach, and testify to. We have worked in the Hill Cumorah Visitor Center every day this last week and we have met people from all over the world! I've been praying to see miracles happen here at the sites, for pageant, and the Lord is sure showing His hand, every day. So many neat experiences and precious tender mercies! Yesterday I was talking to this kid that was around my age and his friend and I was trying to convince him to go into the theater room to watch the 20 min. "Restoration" film that we have. He was hesitant at first, saying that he had seen it a bunch, but I kinda pushed him in saying it didn't hurt to see it again. As I herded him into the Theater a missionary from across the room was motioning for me to run over to him exclaiming, "Thats Joseph!! Thats the actor who plays Joseph in the movie you just put him in!" ..... Hmm... awkward. So I went back into the theater room, feeling like an idiot, and testified that the movie was true and that it was very well acted :). After it was over I apologized for shoving him in his own movie but he was super nice and said that he hadn't seen it in a quite awhile... So my claim to fame is that "I met Joseph Smith this week".

Another really sweet experience that I got to witness was as I was standing in the Christus room a family of five walked in and sat down. I started the 90-second Christus narration for them and right when it started the three little tiny kids perked up and wander right over to the statue. Then one by one they each took turns touching the Savior's feet, where the nail prints were at. I watched the parents sitting there watching their children with tears running down their face. It was a beautiful thing to see.

We've got to see the pageant two times already and we'll get to see it every single night this week! It is SO well done! It reminds me of all the plays that we watch together at Tuachan. There is a lot of special effects and excitement, it is amazing that these cast members have no previous training and have only practiced this play for a week, yet everything flows together wonderfully. I love getting to talk to all of cast members and all the people who come to see it. These are definitely days never to be forgotten, the beginning song of the pageant will always be imprinted happy peaceful feelings into me.

Well, I love you family. I've been thinking about you a lot. I'm praying lots for little Kylie... how exciting! Its the new page of one of the best chapters you'll ever write in your Book of Life. I love you all! Until next week...

Love always, Sister Carter

Farewell to Grandpa-July 5, 2011

Dear Family,

Man, I hate sending these sad emails. It was a really crazy experience Sunday because Sister Stoker and I were talking about our skype conversations with our families on Mother's Day and she made the point, "That was the last time we are going to talk to our families until we get home!" .... Then I called you that night :). Very ironic. When President called me Sunday night to tell me that he was coming over to talk to me about something he could hear the panic in my voice and he told me, "Don't worry. You're Mom is okay but something else happened." I think I knew then that it was Grandpa. It was almost as if his spirit was sitting there with me trying to tell me that it was okay. Its weird to me to think that he is actually gone. I try not think about it too much because I can feel my stomach tighten up and my eyes start to burn. I know that he's in a better place, and for that I am so grateful, but I'm selfish and I already miss him. I cried when Mom wrote in her email about that stuffed dog that has sat on my bed my
entire life. I actually kinda forgot why I loved that dog so much. Its kinda embarrassing that a 22 year-old girl would still have a stuffed animal she sleeps with but I love that dog because it was a gift from a kind loving Grandfather who always put his pride and love in his family. I'm so grateful to carry the Carter name, I can feel him now more than ever and I know that he's going to be that angel that will be there for me throughout the rest of my mission, and my life. Some moments are harder than ever but its comforting to know that I will see him again... we all will. He will always be our Father and Grandfather, in the words of Elder Scott "It doesn't matter what side of the veil you're on".

Its probably been the most stressful, crazy, sleepless last couple days that could have ever happened. With pageant starting up the sites are crazy, transfers came, we're trying to get new areas up and running, we had a holiday, we have to leave our area for the next two weeks. Tomorrow we are leaving to go live in Palmyra until the pageant is over. Since we live a hour away from the sites and some days we aren't going to be done working until 10 pm they need us closer to the sites. So we're going to be living in a home with 11 other sisters... Party time! We just got out schedule that we will be working at the Hill Cumorah Visitor Center the first week of pageant and the second week we are going to be working at the Joseph Smith Farm. I'm really excited about both of those! As a request from the Missionary Department in Salt Lake we're not going to be give tours this year because at pageant. We're going to be at stations talking with people and answering questions. I think a lot of people will be sad because we're not having tours but I'm excited to see how this new system is going to work. We get to go to the pageant at least once and if we bring an investigator, recent convert, or less-active member then we can go again. It has been so exciting watching the cast practice all of their dance moves on the Hill Cumorah. They have been up there working hard every day for the last week. I have missed going to plays on my mission so this is going to be SO EXCITING! I can't help but feel so happy and excited every day when we wake up to blue skies, sun, and pageant in the air. Because of all the craziness we might not be able to email next week, but we're going to try our hardest to find a spare moment to get on and let you know how things are going.

So I got my little "baby" today!! Not going lie, I was SO nervous. To the point where I wanted to throw up, and I don't even know why because it wasn't MY first day in the mission (I guess it just brought back and lot of memories). So my Greenie's name is Sister Chatterton. She's not a foreigner! Which is a huge suprise because I was so convinced I was getting one of the foreigners! She is from Logan Utah, so already a great connection. She went to Sky View, so she remembers Lindsay, and she's already caught me up on the great things that are happening at home. Sister Stoker got her greenie too... Her name is Sister Meister, and she if from Australia. Its going to be interesting to all be living in the same home together, working in the same home but Sister Stoker and I are not going to be companions anymore. We're both nervous but now that they're here it is just exciting. Sister Chatterton has a ton of enthusiasm and is so excited to get working. She has so much greenie fire and faith that I can feel it rubbing off on me (I'm making her believe that Webster is the "Promised Land" of the Mission :)). I'm excited to get to lean on the Lord more, and hopefully He can continue to teach me how to help her in becoming a great missionary.

I hope you all had a great Fourth of July yesterday. I thought about all of you, especially Kreigh, I was missing all of the homemade fireworks he creates. You'll never guess where we got to go!? President gave us permission to go to a baseball game! So I felt like I was right back at home, cheering on some team I didn't know and just enjoying the atmosphere of it all. I loved it, it made me think of all of you. So family... I love you all. My prayers are with you now more than ever. I'd love to hear about the funeral, so I can feel like I was somewhat apart of it. And to my favorite little brother in all the world: Go knock the MTC dead. You were born to do what you have been called to do. I'm so proud of you.

I love you all!

Love always, Sister Carter